Oh the Vanity!

It seems like most things in life are very subjective and it is nigh unto impossible to know what is normal, because all we have to rely on are our own senses and experiences. For example, I am color blind. I have taken many tests on the matter, bombing each and every one in spectacular fashion. It appears to be legit. I don’t know what anyone else sees when they see the colors I struggle to differentiate. All I know is what my eyes tell me. Physical pain is the same way. We will never know what another person experiences when they feel pain. All we know is what we feel when experiencing the same thing or something close to it. Most feelings and perceptions can be relegated to this unknown realm.

I often worry that I am too shallow when it comes to looks. In my defense, I don’t think I am any shallower than any other guy, but that is not really the issue and it would be impossible to tell anyways. All I can do is focus on myself, so I will not try and defend my gender on this issue. (Another time I will discuss which is the shallower sex, but that is for another day.) What makes me think so often about this is the fact that I am very single, and from time to time pass up the chance to date very nice, attractive girls that apparently don’t excite my eyes enough. Am I being too picky, or am I being smart and not settling for something I don’t want?

Remember the movie Shallow Hal with Jack Black? Through hypnosis or something like it, he gets the ability to see women for their inner beauty. As far as he knows, he is dating absolutely gorgeous women, but in fact they are quite repulsive. Is it real? No. But who cares? I think this would be one of the greatest blessings ever bestowed upon a human being. Who cares what other people think? If you think the person is hot, they’re hot. I’ve never understood people who are swayed on that topic by what others think.

So here is my point. I think I am the perfect amount of shallow. Did I come to this conclusion objectively? Absolutely not. I do, however, know that I am the only one who can tell how attracted to a person I am. If a girl claims that a guy isn’t ambitious enough for her, she is usually left alone about the subject. What if someone feels like a guy/girl isn’t spiritual enough? Oh, you should never settle. But looks somehow trigger a different response. Don’t be so superficial. You shouldn’t be focusing on appearance so much.

Well, kids, I’m here preaching a different gospel. Never settle. It doesn’t matter what area it is. If I’m the only one that knows what I see and feel, I’m the only one capable of determining what it is I want. Why should ambition be more important than looks? It shouldn’t. Be strong. Hold out.

Just promise to come and visit me when I’m old and alone.

Nitpicker's Delight

So I started an LSAT prep class a few weeks ago. I think the whole concept of taking a class so that you can do better on a test that is supposed to measure your prowess at logic is ridiculous. I wish everyone would just walk into these types of exams and take the test. Isn’t that what was intended when the test was invented? It seems like instead of measuring how logical you are, it is measuring how well you prep for an exam. Different skill set, I think. Whatever. I can play the game. I didn’t throw the party, I just came to get down.

Today’s class was interesting. Not a whole lot of new info being shared, but we did quite a bit of practice with logic reasoning problems. Pretty straightforward. You read a very short passage and then answer a question or two about it. The important thing, as my instructor Brent Dunn explains, is to be very careful with the semantics of the statement and answers. If I tell you that some people like chocolate, that is very easy to agree with, as it is a weak assertion. By changing to most people like chocolate, I increase the burden of proof dramatically. If I say all people like it, then that is an easy argument to tear down. Never assume more than is asserted and always be sure that you understand when a certainty is clearly stated. We messed around with plenty of these types of words; probably, certainly, often, always, never, etc. You get the picture. If you are asking wtf is interesting about this the answer is pretty clear: nothing.

What I thought was interesting, however, was the point the instructor made when applying these types of wordings to real life situations. He explained that by picking apart these uses of language with those around us, as well as exaggerations in general, we would technically be correct but after a while nobody would want to hang out with you because you would be so annoying.

First of all, amen. Unless purely for comic effect, this type of behavior bugs. Even if it’s funny, the humor wears off fairly soon. I really didn’t have a second of all, but I like using the phrase “first of all.” The funny thing is that when we were discussing this, I realized that I have been well prepared in this area because it just so happens that I hang out with several people who thoroughly enjoy picking these nits. I get called out all the time for these types of exaggerations. Not that it has stopped me from spinning a yarn or two.

Let it be known that I do exaggerate. I enjoy telling stories but sometimes they are just ok and need that little extra juice to get em over the top. Nobody cares if some guy at the grocery store gave me a menacing stare, but they would care if we went toe to toe and almost came to blows. Does the truth suffer? Yes, it does. Heart wrenching as it may be, it does. But sometimes there are casualties when looking out for the greater good. And by greater good, I mean providing entertainment and laughs to those around me, all the while making me look good. Win-win.

Who cares about accuracy anyway? Not me, I can promise you that. Did George Washington really chop down a cherry tree or whip a fastball across the Potomac? Unlikely. Did the flawless face of Troy’s Helen actually launch a thousand ships? Don’t care. Did Wilt Chamberlain really... ok so I won’t go there. But you get the picture. Hyperbole is cool. Tall tales are so in. Always have been, and always will be. Give me a captivating lie over an uninteresting truth any day. It is, after all, the foundation upon which this great nation was built. George did indeed say it best, but he’s often misquoted. I cannot tell a lie?

Pretty sure he just meant boring ones.