Just Do It

Some of my loyal readers might remember a post a while back about a love of going to the gym. Without getting into too many details, let me just state that the author of that post is no longer with the company. In his place is a man who has visited Arby's far more over the past year than he has the gym. Various reasons exist for this lack of working out, but to be clear, one of the stronger ones is laziness. Shocking, I know.

It is easy to fall out of a good habit. It usually starts with reasons that are legit, but before you know it, any old reason is good enough to avoid something you don't want to do. Well, I am here to say enough is enough. No more flab, and no more excuses. I weighed myself at the gym yesterday and I tipped the scale at a less than solid 207 pounds. When I was working out consistently, I was usually between 195 and 200 pounds. Is that a goal I hear forming on the horizon? Indeed.

I was talking with some friends a few days ago and I brought up the idea of a biggest loser challenge among the group. I think I only got one taker, but I am accepting the challenge myself regardless of other's motivations and here it is: I will be down to at least 197 when February ends. Very simple, very clear. I will lose 10 pounds in 28 days. This will not be done by altering my diet, which I seem to be incapable of doing. This will literally be done by running the weight off.

Anybody with me to lose weight in February? How about a different health goal during that same time period? I'm in no matter what, but there is plenty of room on this bandwagon. Just let me know and I will follow up with you to see how it's going. This will be a magical month.

Let the games begin.

Smile for the Camera

There are definitely moments in my life when I realize that I am making a rather smooth and disturbing transition into oldmanhood. Don't get me wrong, I am still just as immature as I ever was. I eat like a 12 year old who was given free reign at the mall food court, have a difficult time going to bed before 1am even though I have to be at work at 730am, and clean my room about 3 times a year. However, as I sit here editing home movies from my video camera, I realize I am no longer a child.

On a recent trip to Bear Lake with friends, I was the one with the video camera forcing others to perform and otherwise just be uncomfortable as I filmed them, all in the name of future posterity. I remember my dad doing the exact same thing as I was growing up, wondering why he wouldn't just put that thing away and let us enjoy our holiday, or vacation or whatever was going on. "You'll appreciate it when you're older," was the token reply when pleas were made to shut the camera off. I remember very similar conversations taking place at Bear Lake as I continued to film our hanging out to the chagrin of all present. (Video will be uploaded as soon as I figure out how to edit them. Look forward to a very exciting fall on the ice caught wonderfully on film.)

The next step is very clear. I will soon be purchasing khaki shorts and basketball tube socks to be worn with sneakers and a tucked in tshirt. This will become my vacation uniform, in honor of dads all across America. In doing so I will be blazing a trail for all males making that inevitable transition, but doing so single in an arena so often reserved for married men.

I've always considered myself a pioneer. Now, we are all witnesses.

Public Service Announcement: Please Hire This Man!

I consider myself a generous person. In fact, it’s one of my greatest attributes, along with my luscious tan. This is why I have decided to adopt the charity case of one Jefferson Dickamore. (If you are a potential employer, please immediately skip to second to last paragraph.) Jeff is currently unemployed. He is an aspiring actor and is looking for his big break. But to be quite blunt, his life could not be any more of a struggle. Just listen to what some of his friends have recently said about him when asked what they thought of Jeff:

“Jeff? Wow. Where to begin. I knew he was destined to be a drain on society from the day I met him. I’m actually surprised it’s taken him this long to join the ranks of the unemployed. Didn’t he just get out of rehab?”- Cindy Ford

“I actually talked the people at Teach for America into giving him a pity acceptance, and he turned it down. What a loser! I can tell you this much: there is one less classroom in America with a scraggly, below par teacher destroying young minds thanks to that declined invitation.”- Deanna Roark

“Jeff has been hitting on me for years and it’s kind of pathetic. I just wish he would leave me alone.”- Jill Crane

“I was Jeff’s TA as an undergrad and I could not have been more disappointed. He really brought underachieving to an entirely new level. True, he did get the highest score in the class, but by one measly percent? Give me a break.”- Professor Darren Hinton

“I can’t even tell you how disappointed I am in him.”- President Barack Obama

“I took Jeff on a charity date a few years ago, but it was only on a dare. I just felt sorry for him.”- Janna Siler

“Jeff Dickamore? I’d hit that.”- Rachel Quada
-----Editors note. Not sure Rachel really understood the question.

As you can see, Jeff needs all the help he can get. So lets all make a deal to get his name out there. Start talking him up around the water cooler. My loyal flock of readers has the juice to get this man a job, and maybe even a date. Scratch that. We need to be realistic. Let’s just focus on the job. Below is his resume:

Jeff is awesome. Please give him a job. He is polite, hard working, and rarely ever flies into fits of rage. He is an excellent dancer, particularly if it involves his favorite artist, Lady Gaga. Need to impress potential clients? Look no further. Jeff is more than willing to bust out his award winning parlor tricks for the amusement of others. These talents include yodeling, three card monte and the best air guitar you’ve ever seen. Jeff is also great with kids. He has this candy they love, I think its called Ambien, and they are always so well behaved. Who knew kids could sleep so much? It is true that Jeff doesn’t have a lot of special skills, but he is more than willing to make up for it with tenacious energy and a can do attitude. Take a chance on him and you will not be disappointed. I would recommend quickly taking action, because this gem won’t be on the market for long.

Hopefully. (Fingers crossed.)