lets get creative, folks

So who else is curious about the Emperor's Club? A few days after New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's well publicized prostitution scandal, I can't even feign surprise. Is there anything that actually shocks anymore when it comes to public figures? There is plenty to be disappointed in, sure, but nothing surprises these days. If this sad ordeal teaches us anything, it is probably just how much power corrupts. Some would argue wealth is the more efficacious corrupting agent, but I disagree. I think the problem is that they often go hand in hand. To me, power is the ultimate a--holemaker.

I think it is nearly impossible to go through life with throngs of people telling you how amazing you are and deifying your every move and not feel that you are somehow above the law. (This principle can also be liberally applied to people who have always been attractive, and it is a key factor in most of them failing to develop an adequate personality. If the rules are different for you, and you don't have to work hard in an area of your life, it stands to reason that you won't. And as a sidenote: are we also that surprised when celebrities cheat on, or leave their eyecandy spouses when they start to age? I was reading about Hulk Hogan's divorce the other day, and it got me thinking: what did she expect? She was a model who married him because she was smoking hot and he had lots of money. So if that is the basis of the relationship, why wouldn't it be terminated when she failed to live up to the terms of the agreement? Does anyone think these trophy wives would still be around if the guy went bankrupt? Didn't think so. But back to the issue at hand.) What is the first thing you think when you hear so and so celebrity was arrested for this, or such and such athlete is accused of that? Probably the same as me: we don't send famous people to prison, so they are probably going to get off somehow. OJ Simpson is a free man, for heaven's sake! For every celebrity that serves time, there are probably 20 that should have, but could afford high priced liars, sorry, lawyers to get them off. Little slip of the typing hand there:) So why did Spitzer do it? Because he could. He was probably brazen enough to think that he played by a different set of rules. So was Micheal Vick. And Barry Bonds. And Roger Clemens. And.... ok, you get the idea.

I was actually having a conversation with my roommate the other day about speeding tickets, and I think there is probably something withing the doldrums of our conversation that might help this situation. I was talking about the fines levied for speeding, or other traffic violations here in the US, and how they are completely disproportionate from individual to individual. I received a carpool lane violation of the Bay Bridge in San Francisco a few years back and I ended up paying $450 in fines. For a carpool violation! Bill Gates would have paid the exact same fine if he had been flagged for my offense. In Scandinavia, fines are based on income levels, so the more you make, the more you have to pay. Is this too logical to work in the United States? Isn't the purpose of fines and laws to scare people into behaving as they should? What is the motivation for a celebrity not to break the law? Either jailtime, or losing money. We know for the most part, they won't be going to jail because they can buy their way out of it. So hit them where it hurts: the wallet. (There are actually more painful places to hit them, particularly on a man, but that should never be used as a form of punishment no matter how strong of a deterrent it would be. In the words of Chandler Bing, that is an area that "God only meant to be treated nicely.") I don't know about you, but I don't speed out of respect for the speed limit and the safety of others. Frankly, I don't think it puts anyone in danger if I want to do 90 on the highway. I choose not to speed because I don't want to pay the fine and have it go on my insurance, which would skyrocket. For those that obey all laws out of the goodness of their hearts, God Bless you. Even if you are lying bastards. Again, I digress.

My point? Not sure I have one, but lets give it a shot: we need to to give famous, powerful people a reason to obey the law. In 2002 in Finland, a Nokia executive was forced to pay a fine of $103,000 for driving 47 mph in 31mph zone. Now that's what I'm talking about! This was 14 days salary for this man. If I had been forced to pay 14 days salary for my transgression at the time, it would have worked out to about 200 bucks. Obviously the scale should go up depending on the severity of the offense, but you get the idea. It shouldn't just be the average person who is being penalized for breaking the law.

Bill Gates should be just as afraid as I am to commit a traffic violation, or any other violation for that matter. Hopefully one day he will. But that day will only come when he knows that by breaking the law, he will get dropkicked right in his checkbook's groin, the great equalizer for all men.