The Emporers New Clothes

I think a great way to disarm people is by using self deprecating humor. I really enjoy this technique and those who practice it. I’m not exactly sure why this is, but I’ve got a few theories. First, I can’t stand people who take themselves too seriously. It has always rubbed me the wrong way. If the only reason someone thinks you are smart, important, or great in any way is that you tell them, something is wrong. I’ve absolutely loved my time at BYU, but if I had one complaint, it would be the ridiculous desire and need many feel to self promote, especially with the opposite sex. I guess I would call this the Marriott School mentality. Guys know what girls want to hear, and many forgo humility in an attempt to build themselves up into the image that most girls are looking for. You would think that this would be so easy to see through that it wouldn’t work. You would be wrong. And in the world of only having 1-3 dates to convince someone you are worth spending time with, this often means that the self promoting toolsheds of the world are often successful in this regard.

The second reason is that I’ve always thought people couldn’t make fun of you, or talk trash you behind your back as long as you were up front and honest about your shortcomings. Have you ever seen 8 mile? At the end of the movie, Eminem realizes that the other guy he is battle rapping against has a myriad of bullets to use against him in their verbal duel. So what does he do? He cuts him off before he can even get started. He throws all of those things about himself that might be embarrassing out in the open right away, and the other guy gets up and realizes that it would be lame to use any of those things now, so he quits and Eminem is victorious. I think I actually started doing this in middle school. Now, I fully admit that this can be done to unhealthy levels, but when kept in moderation, it is a wonderfully disarming characteristic.

The problem with using this as a defense mechanism, especially in a BYU/Utah culture where self promotion is often the rule, is that people have to be open minded in order make accurate judgments about your character. If someone is expecting Muhammad Ali’s “I am the greatest” speech and gets the “aw, shucks” routine instead, you might think they have a lack of confidence. Think about a job interview. One of the questions that is always asked, is what do you feel are some of your flaws, or some variation of that question. It is widely accepted that this is an excuse for you to pretend like something is a flaw, when it is actually strength. “I really just am too focused on what I am doing sometimes and I can’t stop until it’s done. It’s a problem.” Or, “I just care too much.” These are the BS answers that employers have come to expect. What would happen if you were honest with them? “I am really not a morning person and sometimes it’s just really hard to get up and out of bed.” This is probably true of the general population, but would be absolutely unacceptable to say. Why? Because nobody tells the truth in these situations and being honest about a problem that most share doesn’t just leave you in the middle of the pack, in puts you at the back.

I have a friend who didn’t take a prep course to take the LSAT. This is really the way it should be. The test should be a measurement of how well your mind works at answering the questions provided. Sadly, it has become the norm to pay someone to teach you how to do the test well. This makes it so that in order to be on equal footing with everyone else, you have to pay 800 or 1000 bucks to do well. Luckily, my friend is extremely smart and was able to rock the test on her own. She is the kind of student law schools are looking for. Kaplan and Ace have made it so that top schools end up with the students who do the best on the LSAT, not necessarily who would be the best law school candidate.

I was in a ward soon after I got off my mission where many of the guys would often get up to bear their testimony about how much they loved to serve, and help people. One guy in particular would get up every month and gush about how much he loved people, and how much he loved to serve. He would rattle on for 10 minutes about wanting to help anyone, even if it was in the middle of the night, and how nothing made him happier than doing service for those in the ward. He quickly gained a reputation for being the hard working, service guy. The funny thing is that he did absolutely nothing. He was supposed to have home taught my friends all year, and he never came. When we had ward service projects, he would show up and talk to girls the entire time and accomplish nothing productive. But to my dismay, at the end of the year who do you think people thought of when it came to service?

Perception versus reality. Is perception reality? It saddens me to say that I think it usually is. What irritates me the most is when this is even true among friends. I was devastated recently to learn that someone who I considered one of my best friends was bagging on me and ripping me in a way that I never thought someone close to me would. The ammo was easy to find. It was the stuff that I joke about publicly all the time. You would think that the people that know you best would look past the self deprecation and lack of self promotion. The worst thing about finding that out was it makes me think, if this person that I absolutely trusted would do that, who else would?

But then again, I guess if people think something is true, it must be. Sad day for me.